Setting Boundaries and Mastering the Art of Saying NO with Grace

Seven Essential Tips for Midlife Women

By Gina Mitchell

In this complex world, learning to say no gracefully is a vital skill, especially for midlife women. Traditionally, women ‘do it all’ from balancing family, career, and personal aspirations and it can be overwhelming and exhausting. I’m sure this will resonate with many of you.
However, saying NO isn’t merely about declining; it’s about setting boundaries, maintaining self-respect, and preserving personal well-being. It does take practice because many of us suffer from people-pleasing behaviours which we learned as children and have been reinforced over the years.
Often, we can suffer from guilt and even fear when we first set boundaries and implement them. We can also get pushback from others who are used to our people pleasing-behaviours and saying yes. So, it’s important to politely hold your ground, stick to your guns and practice, practice, practice!

Here, I will help you to explore seven tips tailored for midlife women to say no with grace, allowing us to navigate life’s demands with confidence and poise.

• Express Gratitude

This is a great way to start. Gratitude serves as a bridge between declining a request and acknowledging its significance. It’s important to acknowledge the thoughtfulness or consideration behind the request.

Example: ‘I really appreciate you thinking of me for this project. It means a lot to me so thank you’.

• Be Honest and Concise

Honesty breeds authenticity and fosters mutual respect. Be honest about your current commitments and priorities, without oversharing. Verbosity can dilute the message. Aim for clarity and brevity in your response.

Example: ‘Currently, my plate is quite full with existing commitments and I won’t be able to take on any additional responsibilities at this time’.

• Use Positive Language

Positivity infuses interactions with warmth and understanding. Even when saying no, framing the response positively can soften the impact. Midlife women can emphasise the affirmative aspects of the situation while respectfully declining.

Example: ‘I’m currently focusing on a few key priorities, but I may be able to help in a smaller capacity or discuss how we can collaborate in the future’.

• Set boundaries firmly

Boundaries are very important for preserving our well-being and preventing burnout. It’s a must to be firm when declining requests. It’s also essential to communicate what is acceptable and what’s not clearly.

Example: I’ve realised the importance of balancing my commitments and I need to be mindful of my time and energy. I hope you understand’.

• Offer Alternatives (if possible)

Offering alternatives shows flexibility and a willingness to help in some way. It also shows you care. While declining a request, you can suggest alternative solutions or resources. In particular, if the project is a collaborative effort, offer alternatives or suggest someone else who has the expertise to help or may be a good fit.

Example: ‘While I can’t commit to this right now, I know (name) has some expertise in this area and might be available right now’.

• Use ‘I’ Statements

Frame your responses using ‘I’ statements. This shows you are taking responsibility for your decisions and not attributing blame to your situation or others. It shows that the decision is personal and based on your individual circumstances. This approach fosters open communication and reduces the likelihood of conflict. 

Example: ‘I am at present overwhelmed with my current responsibilities, so unfortunately, I won’t be able to take on any additional tasks’.

• End on a Positive Note

This is great for fostering good will and leaves the door open for future opportunities. The closure ensures that the relationship remains intact and fosters a sense of mutual respect. 

Example: ‘Thank you so much for considering me and although I am not able to help at this time, I look forward to the possibility of working together in the future’.

A case study:

I would like to mention a client of mine, Amanda, who was always the ‘go to’ woman when her family and friends wanted something done. Sound familiar?

She used to say YES to everyone and everything, even though she was a busy mother with a full-time job. She exhibited the classic people-pleasing behaviours and was pretty much walked over for years. She was continually exhausted.

We worked together and amongst other things, we worked on her boundaries. At first, she said it felt terrible saying no to the people she loved and she had a hard time of it. She was getting pushback from people who challenged her and her new way of saying no. 

With lots practice, consistency and encouragement from me, her coach, she turned things around. As a result, she has improved her relationship with most of her family and has respectfully cut off a few people who refused to recognise her new boundaries. If people continually don’t respect your boundaries, it’s best to cut them loose, if you can or at least, limit your time with them. 

Amanda is so much better off now and has learned to self-care and has bought herself time for the activities that she wants to do. The best thing is that she no longer feels guilty!

In conclusion, saying NO with grace is an art that we, as midlife women, can master with practice and intention. By expressing gratitude, honesty, and positivity, while firmly setting boundaries and offering alternatives, we can navigate life’s demands with confidence and poise. Using “I” statements and ending on a positive note ensures that relationships remain strong even in the face of declined requests. So, embrace these 7 tips to empower and prioritise yourself!

I’m here to help you.

If you would like to set boundaries and live your life the way Amanda now does, then just book in for a FREE Soulful Connection Session. Just book in at a time that suits you using my online calendar HERE.

I’d love to have a chat with you to see how I can help.

Love, Gina XX

Bibliography: 

1. Brown, Brene. “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.” Hazelden Publishing, 2010.
2. Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.” Zondervan, 2017.
3. Neff, Kristin. “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.” William Morrow Paperbacks, 2015.
4. Palmer, Parker J. “A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life.” Jossey-Bass, 2009.
5. Viorst, Judith. “Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, , and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow.” Simon & Schuster, 1986.

Gina’s Bio

Gina Mitchell stands for women being empowered and owning their own lives while going through midlife and menopause.

Her niche is coaching women over 40 because of her own challenges with midlife and menopause. She is not okay with the fact that many women suffer and struggle through this stage of life and beyond.

Gina is a certified life coach, certified NLP practitioner, matrix therapist and hypnotherapist. She is the founder and CEO of Midlife Coaching for Women. She has been supporting her clients to reach their goals since 2011. 

She wrote a #1 best-selling book about female midlife relationships called ‘Ignite the Spark’.

Gina’s mission to help midlife women live their true potential comes from over 35 years as a scientist and science teacher. 

Her other passions include her family, pet cat, travel, advocating for animal rights and the environment.

‘Not just surviving menopause and midlife …..but thriving’ – Gina Mitchell
https://www.midlifecoachingforwomen.com.au

Gina Mitchell